Don't Quit: 24 Prompts to Assess & Cultivate Mental Fortitude
Mental fortitude (used interchangeably with mental toughness) can be defined many different ways. Most of us have at least a rough Idea of what it means to possess mental fortitude, but for the purpose of this article, I’ll provide a simple and concise definition: mental fortitude is the art of possessing unwavering self belief that you’ll succeed in any and all conditions.
Mental fortitude, like physical fitness, is vital for success in any SOF selection. However, while strategies for improving physical fitness are readily available and largely tangible, developing mental fortitude can pose challenges. The ambiguity of mental fortitude often leads us to think that we either ‘have it’ or ‘don’t have it’. While genetics (nature) and upbringing (nurture) certainly contribute to the strength of your mind, and some people do indeed just ‘have it’, many don’t possess it naturally, and therefore need to cultivate it.
Mental fortitude is a blanket term for a myriad of different character traits, to include motivation, grit, perseverance, stoicism, resilience, tenacity, self-confidence, self and situational awareness, passion, persistence, and more. The good news is, fortitude can be developed, and the overlap between these traits means that improving in one area often benefits others.
The common approach is to attempt to nest mental fortitude training into a physical training regimen. Although training in and of itself does involve a degree of mental fortitude, a sound selection physical readiness program should prioritize developing physical fitness, with potential increases in mental fortitude as a byproduct, rather than the main goal. Electing to mesh the two typically results in lackluster fitness progress – In fact, in many cases, the extreme fatigue generated by excessive training can lead to regression or overuse injury.
While many SOF selection programs involve training that mimics selection in an effort to build physical fitness and mental fortitude simultaneously, this is an inevitably futile approach. Sure, some of your training sessions in a selection prep will undoubtably test your mental fortitude. But approaching every training session with an excessively intense, ‘fight to the death’ mindset risks prioritizing mental fortitude at the expense of fitness adaptations.
Selection is designed to break candidates down by incrementally ramping up physical and mental stressors, such as increased volume and intensity, go or no-go events, restricted sleep, and insufficient calorie intake. Only those who prove they can perform consistently in these conditions succeed. Therefore, a sound physical preparation should build you up physically, such that when you arrive at selection you have a higher ceiling from which to fall. If your training succeeds at bolstering mental fortitude but leaves you physically broken as an inherent byproduct, your chances of success greatly diminish. Instead, I suggest an alternate approach to mental fortitude training that coincides minimally with physical fitness development.
In our day-to-day lives, numerous activities have the potential to either enhance or diminish our mental fortitude, depending on how we choose to approach them. This article will provide a series of prompts you can utilize as a means to gain clarity on your strengths and weaknesses, as well as ways to improve your mental fortitude.
With SFAS, simply ‘not quitting’ is not enough – you’ll also need to perform physically, find enough land navigation points, and display strong character traits and interpersonal skills during team week. But not quitting is a non-negotiable, and you’ll likely reach a point throughout your journey where quitting (known at SFAS as Voluntarily Withdrawing, aka ‘VW’) seems like the best option. But very few people are ever happy with their decision to quit after the fact. Once they’re warm, fed and rested, the regret of quitting is bound to seep in.
The questions herein can aid in your mental preparation for these moments, and hopefully serve as a blueprint on which you can reflect before making your final decision. There are no right or wrong answers to these questions and not all of them will likely apply to every person. But even if you’re able to identify 2-3 things you struggle with, you’ll be able to take necessary action in improving your fortitude. Let’s get into it.
How often do I lie to myself (show up late, press snooze, push things off etc.)?
Most of us struggle to exercise the humility to admit we’re not as accountable as we should be. But I started with this prompt for a reason—it’s the foundation for self-confidence. It’s not difficult to commit to something in the future, especially when you’re motivated at the time of your decision. But since motivation is fleeting and is often absent when it’s time to take action, the path of least resistance is skipping or postponing the commitment you made to yourself. This is especially the case if no one else knows about it. Simple things like starting your day with the snooze button or needing multiple alarms, habitually showing up late, or regularly procrastinating are all indicators of lacking self-accountability. No one is perfect in this regard, but it’s impossible to develop true self-confidence when you can’t even hold yourself accountable for simple tasks like waking up on time. How you do one thing is how you do everything. When you establish a habit of keeping your word with yourself, you’ll have the confidence to drive on even when you don’t feel like it.
How good am I at accepting delayed gratification?
The entire pipeline from day 1 of selection to the day you graduate the Q course is the ultimate exercise in delayed gratification. The modern world allows us to navigate life (if we so choose) rarely having to experience delayed rewards. But those who succeed most in life are masters at embracing delayed gratification. The more you can chip away at the necessary work without the expectation of immediate feedback, accolades, or rewards, the more equipped you’ll be to not quit when times get tough.
How many people have I asked about my character flaws? What have I done to work on them?
Most of us can easily identify our character strengths, but we inherently struggle to identify our weaknesses. The people you spend the most time with are likely more aware of your weaknesses than you are. But a high degree of humility and open mindedness are required in order to ask someone what you struggle with as a human. However, simply being able to identify your flaws is a step further than most people ever go. Just like anything else in life, once you’ve identified a broken or flawed character trait, you can begin putting in the work to improve.
Do I tend to skip things if I’m not feeling motivated?
Doing things when you’re motivated is easy. Motivation feels really good - and it can absolutely be leveraged when it’s there. But like any feeling, it won’t always be there. If you tend to skip things when you’re not motivated to do them, you’re building a habit of giving yourself a cop out. At selection, the easy way out is quitting, and no matter who you are, there will be times throughout the process where motivation is in the gutter. If you become a person that doesn’t need motivation to drive on, you’ll be better equipped to manage these occurrences at selection.
How many dopamine seeking addictions/vices do I have? What can I do to be better?
We all have vices—it’s human nature to gravitate towards low effort, pleasurable activities that result in the release of dopamine. However, dopamine is finite, and it can either be leveraged or wasted. Leveraging dopamine involves seeking out activities that challenge you physically and/or mentally, and through hard work and perseverance, striving to complete them. Those who relish the process of doing something hard are the most likely to succeed. Those who gravitate towards zero-effort dopamine drips (social media, binge eating, drinking, gambling, drugs, porn, etc.) will be in foreign territory when asked to complete an arduous, long drawn out task like selection.
Do I regularly seek out uncomfortable situations? How well do I navigate them?
With some exceptions, the modern world is designed for comfort. But evolutionarily, humans were designed to be uncomfortable more often than comfortable. Growth and development don’t coexist with comfort. Accomplishing any worthwhile task will involve a degree of discomfort, and at selection, you’ll be moderately to severely uncomfortable for several hours per day. Embracing this discomfort doesn’t come naturally, especially if you’ve lived a life void of turmoil and strife. For most people, it needs to be practiced. If you habitually avoid situations of discomfort, the hot cup of coffee and box of donuts in the VW truck will be calling your name.
Do I spend weekends improving myself? Or do they consist of mostly drinking, sleeping in, making poor food choices and other unproductive activities?
What you do regularly will shape you as a human. If you spend your time doing things that align with your values, you’ll be more mentally and physically capable, and vice versa. It’s no secret that spending your weekends binge drinking, eating processed foods and sleeping in are not conducive to physical performance and recovery. But these habits also affect your psychology to a significant degree. Each weekend is 48 hours you’ll never get back. Spend them wisely.
Do I like the idea of being in SOF? Or do I actually want to do all that’s required to be in SOF?
For every Green Beret, there are thousands of people (if not more) who liked the idea of being a Green Beret. Many have told their friends and family of their aspirations, read all there is to read about it, and fantasized about it. But when it came time to do the things required to become a Green Beret, the idea seemed less appealing. Saying you want to accomplish something of this magnitude is accompanied by a dopamine hit. It makes you feel good. But the only ones who can call themselves Green Berets are those who complete the entirety of the Q course and don it at graduation. Thinking about it, talking about it, writing about it, reading about it are all fine – but they’re not the same as doing it. This prompt may require some deep introspection, but it’s crucial to determine the answer for yourself.
Do I claim to have imposter syndrome? Or do I accept it as par for the course and continue to pile evidence in my favor?
Imposter syndrome is one of the biggest cop outs in the modern world amongst would-be high achievers. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a real thing—in fact, if you never experience imposter syndrome symptoms, you’re likely living a life of mediocrity—but claiming imposter syndrome as the culprit for your shortcomings is taking the easy way out. In reality, there are only 2 options to navigate feelings of imposter syndrome: one is to put the work in every day to improve, such that you gradually accrue evidence of your worthiness. The other is to succumb to it and give up. TL;DR For driven individuals, imposter syndrome is a feature, not a bug - you’ll experience it in varying degrees before selection, at selection, after selection, when you get to group, and even after spending years at group. You can either embrace it or let it crush you.
How many books, podcasts, articles, YouTube videos etc. have I consumed on mental fortitude, character, communication, habits, health and fitness?
One of the best things about the modern world is the abundance of self improvement resources available to us 24/7, many of which are zero-cost. No matter the topic you wish to learn about, comprehensive, consumable information is readily available. If you feel you struggle with any particular area listed in the question (or virtually any other question herein), you can either decide to work towards resolving it, or let it slide and ‘hope for the best’ (which is unlikely to work). What’s great about these traits is that they won’t just help you with your selection endeavors, they’ll also expand your arsenal of tools for being a better person, parent, employee/employer, spouse, friend, and member of your community (so long as you abide by rule #11).
Have I practiced what I’ve learned from the resources in question 12? Or do I just read them and move on?
Consuming information is great, but it’s only the first step. You could know everything there is to know about the traits required for selection success, but if you never implement them into your life, what good is knowing about them? I’ve always said that reading 10 books and implementing at least one thing from each book until you’ve achieved mastery is far more fruitful than reading 100 books and implementing nothing. This is a hard pill to swallow for a lot of people, but reading and learning is only productive if you apply the strategies you learn. Otherwise, it’s just a form of procrastination under the guise of productivity.
Am I the person my friends and family can always rely on in a pinch?
If you can’t be relied on by those closest to you, how do you expect to be a reliable teammate when things get real during team week? Although this won’t always result in quitting, it absolutely can play a role. If you’re not pulling your weight or struggling to gel with your team, you’ll know about it. Many candidates resort to quitting when things don’t work out in their favor during team week. If you’re not currently the person your friends and family call upon when they need a hand, what can you do to become that person?
Do I still hang out with people who bring me down?
“You’re the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with” - Jim Rohn. Associating with people who bitch, moan, gossip, and complain is bound to either negatively influence your own behavior or simply deplete your energy and ambition (or both). If you know you can always fall back on hanging out with people who accept your mediocrity and never inspire you to be better, you’re more likely to quit when times get tough. If your crew always encourages you to be the best version of yourself and doesn’t stand for mediocrity, you’ll be that much more driven to not let them down. Although extrinsic motivation is typically more fallible than intrinsic motivation, this example shows that in some cases, extrinsic motivation can be a powerful influence.
Do I always need to be right? Or am I ok with being wrong sometimes?
The ability to accept being wrong is a lost art. Admitting when we're wrong demands a degree of humility that many are unwilling to exhibit, often leading us to fight tooth and nail to defend our perceived correctness. At selection, you’ll be in the wrong at least a time or two, but likely more. Sometimes, you may be accused of wrongdoing by a cadre or fellow candidate even if you’re not, in fact, wrong. There’s a time and place to explain yourself, but there’s also a time and place to just accept it, learn from it, and move on. If you struggle to accept your mistakes and regularly go to great lengths to prove that you’re right, you’re far more likely to put a target on your back amongst fellow candidates and the cadre. You can and should always aim to do the right thing, but you must also be prepared for the fact that sometimes you’ll come up short, and how to handle it can make or break you.
Do I have thick skin? Do I take constructive criticism personally or use it as a learning opportunity?
Life in Special Forces is high stakes. Performance is expected of you daily, regardless of the circumstances. You’ll be criticized by those around you as a Green Beret trainee, as well as later on if you’re fortunate enough to go to an ODA. Those who utilize criticism as a learning opportunity to better themselves succeed. Those who take criticism personally and constantly fight back tend to struggle. If you’re unable to take a joke, constructive feedback, or remedial punishment, your time at selection will be short lived.
Am I easily offended by other people, ideas, or social media posts?
Being offended is the new hotness in today’s world of keyboard warriors and self-appointed polymaths, such that it has become perfectly acceptable to actively seek out opportunities to become offended (and of course, let the offender know about just how offensive their idea is). Dovetailing off the previous question, the ease with which you become offended is a strong indicator of whether or not you’ll do well in this profession. Green Berets are professional ball busters, and political incorrectness is not only accepted, but encouraged. If you have a soft mindset and are easily offended by words, ideas, thoughts, or even worse, random strangers’ social media posts, your efforts are better spent elsewhere.
Do I always wait for the conditions to be perfect before I start something?
Most of us have likely realized by now that the conditions to start any endeavor will never be perfect. But those who take action even in imperfect circumstances are those who ultimately succeed. If you can’t take action right now on what you claim is important to you, I can assure you that things will always be even less perfect once you’re in the Q course and serving on an ODA. ODAs make their money by delivering exceptional results even in the face of suboptimal conditions.
Do I accept responsibility for what happens to me? Or do I shift the blame elsewhere?
Those who accept that they are responsible for every aspect of their lives tend to fare best, not just in SOF, but in life overall. No one is coming to rescue you, and there are no handouts to be had. If you expect special treatment or a 'get out of jail free' card, you're in for a rude awakening. Taking ownership of your situation, regardless of the magnitude, can be a daunting thought. But embracing the fact that you are the agent in charge of your trajectory is a liberating feeling.
Am I consistent with my sleep, nutrition and training habits?
Humans are creatures of habit, yet our nature is to remain consistent with tasks that come easily, while faltering when faced with resistance that demands effort to overcome. Your habits define your life outcomes, and the more positive habits you cultivate, the more satisfying your outcomes will be. Statistics clearly depict poor habits and lack of health to be the default in 2024. If you don’t actively and intentionally resist the forces pulling you towards hedonistic pleasures and comfort, you’ll fail. Your health and physical fitness underpin your potential success in SOF, and inability to stick to a basic plan aimed at improving in these areas will deteriorate your biggest asset.
Do I have a clear understanding of my ‘why’?
Although this concept may sound trite, having a clear and resounding ‘why’ is non-negotiable. If you’re unclear on your purpose, you may find yourself questioning whether or not this endeavor is worth the suffering. While there’s no definitive answer, It’s critical to cultivate and reflect on your own ‘why’, rather than adopting someone else’s. Historically, the most fragile ‘why’ tends to revolve around the desire for social validation or the accolades of being a ‘cool guy’. Consider your values and the impact you wish to have had on this world as you reflect on your life from your deathbed. If you do the groundwork required to establish an unwavering reason to be there, you’ll be able to reflect on it when the urge to quit is strongest. This will reduce the likelihood of making an impulsive decision you’re likely to regret indefinitely.
Do I make emotion-based decisions, or logic-based decisions?
The natural tendency for most of us is to make decisions based on emotion. However, our feelings aren’t always logical, which can cloud our judgment and lead to poor choices. At selection you’ll feel demoralized, tired, hungry, beat down, anxious, incapable, bored, and perhaps even depressed at times. If you quit, you’ll feel the opposite of these things, but only transiently. If you only make decisions based on the way you feel in the moment, you’re all but guaranteed to make the wrong decision when the stakes are highest. If you develop the habit of making logical decisions based on what’s right and wrong, you’re much more likely to make the right decision, regardless of how you feel.
If someone spent every waking hour with me for a full week, would they be able to tell by my action and attitude whether I was having a good day or bad day?
For awhile, I had this particular question written on a sticky note on my computer monitor as a constant reminder that the universe doesn’t care whether or not you’re well rested, in a good mood, feeling motivated, in pain, anxious, or any other fleeting feeling we all experience throughout our day to day lives. Those with the most life satisfaction and success aren’t that way because they have more good days than others. They’re the ones who do the same things with the same tenacity regardless of whether it’s a ‘good day’ or a ‘bad day’. You’ll inevitably have bad days and low points at selection. If you drive on like any other day, you’ll win. Start practicing this mindset yesterday.
Do I talk to myself like I’d talk to a close friend? Or my worst enemy?
Although self-talk is a borderline cringe topic because the way in which it’s implemented has been so heavily bastardized, your inner dialogue is indeed critically important. This is not one of those ‘repeat positive affirmations and will it into existence’ reminders (this is the cringeworthy side of it). No amount of repeating things to yourself in the mirror will fabricate success out of thin air. You actually have to take action and accrue evidence that you’re capable of achieving big things. But it’s a reminder to talk to yourself like you’d talk to a dear friend, rather than your worst enemy. Nobody wishes success and flourishing to their worst enemies. For some people (to include me) this takes a lot of practice. Undoing years, if not decades of habitual negative self-talk won’t be accomplished in a day, week, or month. But continuously checking yourself on it will pay dividends in your future endeavors.
Do I accept quitting is 100% my decision, and that I can always decide not to?
This question is pivotal and could serve as the focal point of the entire article. Regardless of which above questions you choose to reflect most on, this prompt will bring you back to earth. Even if you do all the work required beforehand, you’ll still likely feel the urge to quit at some point. For some, it’ll be stronger than it is for others. But you must remember that it’s a decision and no one is going to force you to VW. Accepting that you can, in fact, disregard all of the above prompts and simply decide not to quit is an empowering realization. You’re responsible for your actions and words and if you never say the words, ‘I VW’, you always have a chance. Looking back on your life, you’ll have to live with three possible scenarios: I made it. I gave it my all, but failed. I quit. Which one do you think you’ll regret the most?
In Closing
The main goal of selection is to assess your physical abilities and character in situations of extreme stress and discomfort. It’s natural to contemplate quitting. It’s difficult to test yourself before you go to see how you’ll hold up. But utilizing the prompts above to identify the areas in which you need the most work, and taking aggressive action is your best bet at cultivating the strongest possible belief that you won’t quit when all signs point towards the VW truck. What you choose to do with it is up to you. But taking the time to conduct an honest self-assessment can’t hurt you. If nothing else, these questions will improve other aspects of your life in which mental fortitude is the foundation for success.